Which part of India is mine?

The title may sound a little far fetched, but that is a fact of life for several people. People who are government employees, bank employees, basically people with transferable jobs.

Take Ramesh's family for instance. Mr. Ramesh works for the ONGC. His family comprises of his wife, three children, his aged mother and a widowed elder sister. ONGC is an organization that has wide spread operations in different locations of India. Families like Mr.Ramesh's cannot afford to grow roots in any one part of India by virtue of the transferable nature of the job.

Mr. Ramesh's children have greatly benefited from the Central schools spread out all over the nation. His eldest daughter Rupa is married and settled in USA. His son, Rohit is in his final year of college while his youngest daughter, Reshma is still schooling. From the open expanses and greenery of Assam, they have recently been posted in Chennai. Allocation of office living quarters is always a mixed bag - you can only hope to get a decent livable house. It has its own charm yet, its own disadvantages.

Mrs. Renuka Ramesh wistfully wishes to have her own little cottage where she can call the four walls and surrounding garden her own. Where she can have her choicest color of tiles, design her own modular kitchen and have a garden she can tend to. Having been a home maker, caring for her ailing mother-in-law and her temperamental sister-in-law has left her craving for some respite from the routine chores of cooking cleaning, care giving and nurturing her children.

Mr. Ramesh is due for retirement in two years. He has been to several parts of India by virtue of his job. He now asks - I belong to India "part and parcel", but which part of India belongs to me? His predicament is- a final settling place that will suit all of his family members.

A peaceful place that would provide for Mr. Ramesh- an easy relaxed lifestyle, mingling with like-minded people who like community service. For his mother, who could do with daily care giving from a trained nurse and his widowed elder sister who would do well with regular yoga and meditation. His wife who could do with a variety of activities such as conducting cookery classes,teaching and learning craft work, and NOT getting bogged down with daily cooking and house keeping. She needs "time" to call her own when she can do the things she wants at her own pace.

All this sounded too far fetched, as a place housing all these facilities, yet being affordable, in a peaceful and tranquil location having a good cool climate sounds like asking for the moon...

Well, not really, there is actually such a place near Coimbatore. It is a unique gated community called Melur Meadows. The website www.melurmeadows.com gives all details.

I would like your take on "Gated Communities" such as the above. Do you think it is a welcome addition to the already existing real estate boom happening all around?
Your valuable comments please....

Nuclear families - is it the norm or a choice

From the time I've been around ( not that I am very ancient), but long enough to see the changes happening in family settings especially in the middle classes.

Talking of Chennai, the city has changed, progressed and has come a long way since I was a kid. It now is truly deserving of the title 'Metro city". The slums continue to be there, the dumps, pollution and crowds have only increased, but the change I see now, is in the residents- their attitude.

Having said that, what I saw as a kid was houses full of people. Every household would have grandparents, sometimes, uncles and aunts thrown in as well. It used to be a matter of shame not to have a grandparent around to tell you mythological stories every night. Few of my friends who were deprived, were a miserable lot and would shy away with a complex for not having grandparents, uncles and aunts around.

As I grew up, it was thought to be very wrong if people chose to live as a nuclear family without additional tags of their parents, brothers or sisters. The daughter-in-laws were termed "house breakers" for trying to lure their husbands away and start living in their own terms and conditions. Many such "bahus" were shunned and were thought to be a bad example to other girls ( both unwed and wedded ones). Their freedom and lifestyle was envied by many. I have heard my mother and other aunts discuss among themselves about those lucky ladies who knew how to steer their husbands away from interfering in-laws. The new found financial freedom and unfettered lifestyle, no customs and rituals to be followed as per family norms, the freedom to choose to spend your money and leisure the way you like and most of all having a say in the way you want your children brought up - these were the positives tilting the heavy points pro nuclear family. Women were starting to get assertive and found this freedom gave them the opportunity to explore new vistas of life. It was not just the women, but also the men. It is a well known fact that "Happier a woman is, the less complicated will be a man's life". A satisfied woman is capable of taking care of her entire family ( her man included) very well and keep them happy too. This suited the men as, all they want is a simple, uncomplicated life so they can get on with their pet projects.

With the advent of this widely accepted new lifestyle, people don't find a nuclear family as something peculiar or new. On the contrary, if you come across a joint family, that would be termed as peculiar under the present living situation. People refuse to compromise on their freedom and space and are quite open about it. Most of the present generation ( who themselves are byproducts of nuclear families) have no understanding of a joint family and its significance.

This again, I feel is because of the financial independence and the luxuries that one can afford with the money. An acquaintance of mine, a modern woman who works full time, with a 3 kids , believes that she can be truly happy only when she is in-charge and runs the family the way she desires. She prefers to hire a cook and two maids for house work rather than have her in-laws around. She is unwilling to share her territory. Now, who am I or you to judge her? She finds comfort in ruling the roost in her kingdom. While her mother-in-law laments having lost her son to a possessive witch.

The most recent trend that I am noticing now is the great demand for parents to play the role of grand parents!! Young married couples now realize that their children are safe when taken care of by their own grandparents and they also stand to gain a lot by this. No extra salary for baby sitting. The parents double up as cleaners and cooks also. Parents also unflinchingly go ahead and help out when ever they can. Its because of the boundless love and affection that they have towards their children that the parents go abroad to foreign lands and serve their kids.

A neighbouring family of mine an old man-aged 78 and his wife aged around 73. They do their regular rounds to the USA to help out their daughter and son with their small children. Each time after VISA period is over they return to India. When they breath the air here and meet with their siblings, kith and kin, they find incredible joy. When they go to live with their children, they describe it as a a luxurious life, but within a "golden cage", a "cage" nevertheless. They get all the luxuries, get to visit new places etc. but their freedom is severely curbed. Once back in India, they are independent and go about visiting people and places as they please.

It is in this context that I am now seeing several senior people preferring a gated community or retirement home, where they can be secure and mix with like minded people. They make plans and go on jolly trips, pilgrimages and have lot of fun doing activities they love doing, pursuing their hobbies etc. There are a few such places in India, that offer these things in totality and are really as good as they claim to be. One such place that is coming up is Melur Meadows - a gated community near Coimbatore. I learnt about this in their web site www.melurmeadows.com Upon further inquiry, i have come to know of some of my NRI friends who have gone in for a property for their parents to stay when in India. It is more or less like a resort with community kitchen, medicare, hobby centre, gym, spa, swimming pools and so much more and the company lets it out on rent when the owners are not occupying it.

I would like to know your opinion on such communities that are cropping up in India. Is independent living good for old people? Are they happier when they are in their mother land, living among like-minded people, their siblings and friends? Are they not supposed to be living with their own children whether they are in India or abroad? Are seniors happy when they have the freedom and mobility to do what they like, when they like? What is your take on this?

An Alternate Lifestyle - semi retirement

An alternative lifestyle is a lifestyle generally perceived to be outside the cultural norm, a decision to substitute another approach or not enter the usual expected path in most societies. ( Wikipedia).

We can now choose to be part of a special community and lead an alternative lifestyle. I came across this concept when I came across a web site called www.melurmeadows.com . They call it " catch up with happy living".

The property being offered there is different in the sense that it comes as a package. One does not end up with a house made of bricks and cement alone, but is wedded to a beautifully conceived idea of a community where people live in a village like setting because of the tranquility and pollution free atmosphere, at the same time enjoy all the benefits of a modern lifestyle - right from security systems, cafeteria, internet, gym, spa, swimming pools etc etc.

I found this really fascinating, especially since I live in a metro city where living space is congested, everywhere I go there is pollution and crowd, I yearn for a place where I can just relax under the shade of a tree where the gentle breeze, there is lush green grass, birds chirping and no other disturbing sounds of zooming cars, blaring horns, vendors selling their wares loudly, nearby temples having their yearly fest with loud speakers and most of all the FM radio that keeps playing from the most unlikely of sources.

So far, except inside the theosophical society grounds, there is continues din and noise. So, When I read about this place nestled near the foothills of Nilgirls which is going to have 1 acre area exclusively for landscaped lawns and parks and two large lilly ponds and hundreds of trees and healthy mountain breeze from the Nilgiris and tucked miles and miles away from any sort of pollution and noise..and cottages interspersed amidst all this in 8 acres of prestine land... this sounds heavenly to me.

I'd like to know what your take is on this. Do keep me posted. I am seriously considering settling in a place like above. How about you?


What do you think of living in a place where you will have an active community life meeting and mingling with like-minded people, doing what you want to do at your own pace, relaxing in a hammok with books you always wanted to read, doing community work and feel you are doing your bit for the nation, having fun and frolic with a variety of activities that the community itself houses also the events manager to help organize fun events and fests, plus the best aspect of it all, living with your kith and kin in adjacent or nearby cottages so that you can once again relive your childhood, growing up with our siblings. The seniors are to be housed in an enclave of their own which will consist of a cluster of cottages, so that they can mingle with their age group and also with youngsters when they want to.

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