COST-EFFECTIVE HOLIDAYS FOR A LIFETIME

Summer holidays, spring holidays, winter holidays… time to go on a holiday!!! Is this the case in all our homes? When my son comes home at the beginning of the holidays with a long face and a list of exotic places that his friends’ are going for the holidays, I feel depressed. Is having a great holiday the prerogative of only a few well-to-do families?

There are two ways to spend a holiday… one is to spend a few hundred thousand on an expensive holiday, and having only memories in return. Of course, the entire family is happy!!! Is this happiness and joy going to last forever?

I did not know of any alternate way of having a good holiday until I came to know about alternative living and community living projects in scenic locations. Most of these projects are promoted as living for the retired people, but it is not only for them. Even working couples and nuclear families can invest in one of these projects, which may cost a little more than an expensive holiday. The family has a permanent holiday home to go to. And if that holiday home is located in a scenic place with lots of places to explore, it becomes even more interesting. Such holidays promote healthy living and give the children the fresh air and energy that is very much needed for their rejuvenation.

When we go on an expensive holiday we try to pack as much as possible into the holiday. We all want full value for our money. At the end of the holiday, we are more stressed, tired and feel like having another holiday to recover from the first one!!!

Holidays are meant to be enjoyed with the family. It is that time of the year when working couples get to know their children better, and their elders too. To make this time precious and valuable, investing in a community living project is a viable option… the benefit is three-fold… you invest in good property, you have a holiday home, and you spend quality time with your family….Welcome to Melur Meadows. COME AND CATCH UP WITH HAPPY LIVING.

What marriage / partnership is all about...

When we talk about successful partnership or marriage, we immediately conclude it is the fine tuned compatibility , understanding, and power sharing that aids it. It is true. But where understanding, power or work sharing is concerned – it is a purely subjective matter. Each partnership has its own way of working out the work pattern they want to follow.

We hear a lot about 50-50 marriage and the soaring success formula for a happily ever after life.. well, according to recent surveys ( survey of educated- working couple families) , men are contributing more towards household chores including child rearing and education. Still, this would not account for much. As a comparative ratio, while an average working women may be spending 25-30 hours ( or more) per week for household chores including cooking, cleaning, child-care and shopping, an average man would perhaps be contributing about 2 -4 hours per week towards lending a hand in the household activities. ( most likely shopping).

So, where does this leave us ? The above survey certainly does not depict a 50-50 sharing of chores. But, one must understand that a no two days of a married life are the same. There is constant shifts and changes of priority, time and duty. While one week, the husband may feel very grateful towards his wife who has taken out time to settle the property tax and other investment issues, resulting in his helping out with cleaning / shopping chores, the gratitude may not last long if during that week – IPL matches are being broadcast back to back. That is a time when the wife has to come to terms with the fact that when it comes to Cricket, TV comes before wife and kids.

We keep hearing about “togetherness and sharing” of activities to bring about closeness. Well, I have my reservations in this aspect. Take the example of my friend Chitra’s husband who took to bird watching. He would want her along in all his treks and trips to bird sanctuaries and resorts. In the beginning it was romantic and helped because they got to spend more time alone together. But, as this hobby grew to passion and dream, the prospect of travelling on a hot, humid day to a remote place to watch birds and note down their activities, photograph them and wait in the darkroom alongside him while the pictures “developed”.... that was asking for too much from Chitra. So, Chitra had to extricate herself from the joint activity. There have been instances of big battles in kitchen starting with something as harmless as “joint-cooking”.

This “togetherness and sharing” model flopped mostly because it did not take into account individual choices or preference. It is rigid and the expectations are extreme. It takes some people some time to realise that some activities are “Solo” activities which will be enjoyable only when done alone.

I can say that “I” man ( or rather woman) 95% of the household duties and chores. I do it with pride and joy. I am happy that the balance 5% comprises of jobs that I cannot do or do not want to do. This balance was struck after several years of marriage, several shifts and trials in duty allocation. At different points, we did different things. For instance, when I was newly married, the shopping was a joint venture. Then, when the kids came, shopping was not on my list of duties. When it was schooling time for kids, I was partly involved in shopping while I received partial help in house management, cooking etc. Finally, now that the kids are grownup, I pretty much do everything except being a tailor and barber for my husband. But, I am able to balance these chores easily because I work only part-time and have more time on my hands as against my husband who works full time – tackling a lot of problems and risks at his work place.

Power sharing is another major issue in the lives of younger generation. There was a time when the women would just say “yes dear” and do all that was expected of them. Now, women question the need or want for such an expectation. Take the example of my cousin Radha. She was expected to stay at home and care for the children. Any chore that would entail her going out was a strict “NO NO”. As the kids grew, she enrolled as a teacher in their school, it was not met with much objection as she accompanied the children to and from school. Gradually, she took up higher studies and graduated and found bigger and better jobs. This too was met with approval. Finally there came a time when her husband just wanted to relax at home while Radha took care of everything. Given time, everything changes – from a village lass to modern day top executive – this is the change that Radha’s life took. Her perseverance, patience and positive approach to life made it all possible.

The problem with 50-50 marriage model lies with the unrealistic expectations many people harbour. No two people can split a marriage in half as if it were an apple. No two people can be identical in emotions, interests and responsibilities. No two people can divide their authority and skills in some “fair” way.

Emotional equality is when both partners feel equally loved and cared for, share in family decision making and feel that they are contributing equally to the family’s well being –whether it is cooking, cleaning, shopping, child rearing (or watching TV !! ) it is this kind of 50-50 model that actually works