What marriage / partnership is all about...

When we talk about successful partnership or marriage, we immediately conclude it is the fine tuned compatibility , understanding, and power sharing that aids it. It is true. But where understanding, power or work sharing is concerned – it is a purely subjective matter. Each partnership has its own way of working out the work pattern they want to follow.

We hear a lot about 50-50 marriage and the soaring success formula for a happily ever after life.. well, according to recent surveys ( survey of educated- working couple families) , men are contributing more towards household chores including child rearing and education. Still, this would not account for much. As a comparative ratio, while an average working women may be spending 25-30 hours ( or more) per week for household chores including cooking, cleaning, child-care and shopping, an average man would perhaps be contributing about 2 -4 hours per week towards lending a hand in the household activities. ( most likely shopping).

So, where does this leave us ? The above survey certainly does not depict a 50-50 sharing of chores. But, one must understand that a no two days of a married life are the same. There is constant shifts and changes of priority, time and duty. While one week, the husband may feel very grateful towards his wife who has taken out time to settle the property tax and other investment issues, resulting in his helping out with cleaning / shopping chores, the gratitude may not last long if during that week – IPL matches are being broadcast back to back. That is a time when the wife has to come to terms with the fact that when it comes to Cricket, TV comes before wife and kids.

We keep hearing about “togetherness and sharing” of activities to bring about closeness. Well, I have my reservations in this aspect. Take the example of my friend Chitra’s husband who took to bird watching. He would want her along in all his treks and trips to bird sanctuaries and resorts. In the beginning it was romantic and helped because they got to spend more time alone together. But, as this hobby grew to passion and dream, the prospect of travelling on a hot, humid day to a remote place to watch birds and note down their activities, photograph them and wait in the darkroom alongside him while the pictures “developed”.... that was asking for too much from Chitra. So, Chitra had to extricate herself from the joint activity. There have been instances of big battles in kitchen starting with something as harmless as “joint-cooking”.

This “togetherness and sharing” model flopped mostly because it did not take into account individual choices or preference. It is rigid and the expectations are extreme. It takes some people some time to realise that some activities are “Solo” activities which will be enjoyable only when done alone.

I can say that “I” man ( or rather woman) 95% of the household duties and chores. I do it with pride and joy. I am happy that the balance 5% comprises of jobs that I cannot do or do not want to do. This balance was struck after several years of marriage, several shifts and trials in duty allocation. At different points, we did different things. For instance, when I was newly married, the shopping was a joint venture. Then, when the kids came, shopping was not on my list of duties. When it was schooling time for kids, I was partly involved in shopping while I received partial help in house management, cooking etc. Finally, now that the kids are grownup, I pretty much do everything except being a tailor and barber for my husband. But, I am able to balance these chores easily because I work only part-time and have more time on my hands as against my husband who works full time – tackling a lot of problems and risks at his work place.

Power sharing is another major issue in the lives of younger generation. There was a time when the women would just say “yes dear” and do all that was expected of them. Now, women question the need or want for such an expectation. Take the example of my cousin Radha. She was expected to stay at home and care for the children. Any chore that would entail her going out was a strict “NO NO”. As the kids grew, she enrolled as a teacher in their school, it was not met with much objection as she accompanied the children to and from school. Gradually, she took up higher studies and graduated and found bigger and better jobs. This too was met with approval. Finally there came a time when her husband just wanted to relax at home while Radha took care of everything. Given time, everything changes – from a village lass to modern day top executive – this is the change that Radha’s life took. Her perseverance, patience and positive approach to life made it all possible.

The problem with 50-50 marriage model lies with the unrealistic expectations many people harbour. No two people can split a marriage in half as if it were an apple. No two people can be identical in emotions, interests and responsibilities. No two people can divide their authority and skills in some “fair” way.

Emotional equality is when both partners feel equally loved and cared for, share in family decision making and feel that they are contributing equally to the family’s well being –whether it is cooking, cleaning, shopping, child rearing (or watching TV !! ) it is this kind of 50-50 model that actually works

How Would You Honour A Soldier?

The recent terror attacks on Bombay have left every Indian feeling exposed and vulnerable. No place is safe. Who would have imagined that a five-star hotel would bear witness to such gruesome acts of terror and fright? We're all feeling the shock of the awful attacks in Mumbai. All our hearts go out to the victims and their families. I'm writing this because I feel we need to honor their memory.

The attacks were aimed at our people, our prosperity and our peace. Their top target was something else: our unity. If these attacks cause us to turn on each other in hatred and conflict, the terrorists will have won. They know that hatred and chaos feed on division. They also know they are radical extremists, and their only hope of reaching society as a whole is by turning the rest of us against each other.

India is a country with a great heritage and she has witnessed insurgence, wave after wave, and attacks by foreign invaders in the past. After attaining independence, we have had a more or less peaceful existence barring the China-India war in the 1960s and the wars with Pakistan including the unforgettable Kargil war. In both cases, India won victoriously and once again made us Indians realize the importance of our defense forces and brought about a surge of patriotism and respect mixed with awe towards the armed forces of our great nation. Awareness spread through the press and media, first hand reports, eye-witness accounts of events and incidents, and about the brave acts of the soldiers. Common man realized that everyone owed their freedom and life to these selfless souls who pledged their lives for the safety of their country men. While we sat in our cozy living rooms and watched the events unfold on TV and radio, these brave men and women lost their lives saving the nation from infiltrators.


Becoming a soldier is the noblest duty one can take up. However, not many have the will power and dedication to take the decision and actually become one. It is those who have immense love for their nation, and concern for the lives of their countrymen who actually become soldiers – and remain soldiers till the very end.

These brave souls, who are subject to the worst of conditions on the frontlines of war, deserve more than just medals of honour. Even though it may sound controversial, I recall when Abhinav Bindra won the Gold medal for shooting in the recent Olympics, several state Governments individually honored him with prize money totaling to nearly 1.66 crores. For a person highlighting the name of our Country in International forum – we choose to honor. It is good and will be a motivator to several such aspirants. But, one must also think of our soldiers and policemen who brave it each day in the line of duty unflinchingly and take the beating when the fail. Why are these unsung heroes not rewarded in such a fashion? Why don’t the governments take pride in lavishing these living heroes and those that have sacrificed their lives with honour?

I take pride in the fact that “Melur Meadows” a unique gated community project coming up near Coimbatore, chooses to think differently and act practically. We lead by example. We take pride in honoring all war heroes and people from the armed forces, people who serve the nation in the truest sense possible.

www.melurmeadows.com – our website will give you a clear idea about what this unique gated community is all about.

Once a soldier, always a soldier. Strong willed and brave. Conditioned to face any situation, committed to a cause. Most of all dependable and a person who can lead and be looked upon as an Idol or mentor. We would love to have people from the armed forces in our unique gated community so that people are motivated and patriotic. For this very reason, we offer cottages at discounted prices for people from armed forces/ war heroes. We plan to have a mini India. Ours is not about real estate, but about the package of services that come with it. A mini India with people form all walks of life, all parts of India, live together in Unity, harmony and peace. In a safe and secure location.

The pollution free, tranquil atmosphere and not to forget the ideal location near several scenic spots making this an ideal holiday home for all. A simple, laidback lifestyle in a village setting, but with all modern amenities and facilities available within the community. Visit our website and know for your self the true meaning of “CATCHING UP WITH HAPPY LIVING”.

Why are incidents of mental depression & suicide attempts on the rise?

Do you ever stop to think and rejoice about a day of ordinary miracles-Like a fresh pot of coffee that you didn't have to make yourself. An unexpected phone call from an old friend. Green signal lights on your way to work or shop. The fastest line at the grocery store. Your favorite “sing-along” song on the radio. Your keys- right there, on the spot you are looking for it.

These little bite-size pieces of perfection that give you the wondrous feeling that the Lady Luck is smiling at you?

Well, not many of us stop to think of any of these as factors contributing to our happiness. A long queue ahead, we instantly grumble about it , Red traffic signal, and we are at out wits end waiting for the lights to turn green. Car keys missing, we bring the roof down. In everyday life, one can only expect such small disasters to fill in the gaps of our otherwise dull lives. But, the further our civilizations get, the shorter is our fuse or patience. We like everything served on a platter.

Compare the life of a school going child to that of a child about 15-20 years ago. The change we see is remarkable. The present day children live and see life differently. They hardly know the concept of “out in the open – under the blue skies”. We are all crammed into the city with its crowd and pollution. What we call home now-a-days ( tiny bird’s nest sized apartments, high rise buildings) hardly have anything to offer by way of open grounds as play area for children. What ever open spaces are available are used as car parks.
We even teach children that it is safe to stay back home rather than play outside, lest a glass pane gets broken during a game of football or cricket. We see children carrying loads of books to and from school. The pressure to perform is immensely high. Children are made to learn music, freestyle dance, karate, chess, swimming, drawing, paining, tuition classes for their studies and the list goes on. In a 24-hour day except for the 8-9 hours of sleep that a child gets, there is pressure to go from class to class, learn and also be an achiever.

Children 15-20 years ago were vastly at an advantage because, life was less complicated. A child had less choices to make and lesser things to do. 24 hours was a wide expanse of time which would mainly be spent in interactions with other children by way of simple games played with no high-tech toys, but only with bats, balls, dolls etc. Children were less stressed and were worry-free.

Present day children are accustomed to computers, high tech toys, traveling in cars or other motorized vehicles to and from places. Children hardly get an opportunity to stretch their legs except perhaps when they go to attend one class after other. Cell phones, I pods, blue-tooth devices, laptops and the list goes on and on. Children are under peer pressure to own these gadgets or risk being rejected by peers. They in turn, pressurize their parents to acquire these gadgets. The parents now have to find ways and means to earn more to support an every increasing cost of living and to accommodate the never ending wants of their children.

Pressure is what is the driving force of life in cities. It used to be real passion and interest in work, but, not any more. One life time is just not enough in spite of all the luxuries and comforts that are available. People are dissatisfied and disillusioned. They are driven to antidepressants or attempt to take the easy way out – suicide !!

Now we hear of the economic recession in USA and its effect on global economy. Huge financial giants closing shop. Thousands of people losing their jobs daily. People fearing for their livelihood. People having to made-do with cut in salary, perks and other benefits. These nagging uncertainties of life is having a telling effect on the health of people. Not all people are able to brave these sudden misfortunes thrust upon them. Hypertension is on the rise and people with floundering health conditions pass on their insecurities, unhealthy life-style and declining health conditions to their children.

Children are the worst affected in case of financial crisis as they fail to adapt to the magnitude of its effects on their suddenly altered lifestyle. Poor health, failing concentration, pressure to perform and get ahead – these are the mantras that rule the lives of the present generation.

Just like a silver lining behind a cloud, new vistas in real estate, housing and alternative lifestyle are emerging. Very few builders consider people as creatures requiring more than mere 4-walls and box-like living rooms. For mental and physical wellbeing the solution lies in our surroundings and environment. Few real estate people really appreciate the value of peace, calm and quite an environment totally void of pollution, a surrounding offering pristine mountain breeze, clear open skies and greenery all round.

Melur Meadows is one such gated community emerging near Coimbatore. It is located at the foothills of the Nilgiris and is calm and quite. Melur Meadows is unique because it offers to its buyers a range of cottages to choose from and a variety of amenities and facilities which, you could only expect to find in resorts. The best feature of this project being its affordability. Keeping in mind the what the present-day city dweller lacks and what can fulfill his needs, Melur Meadows is a green retreat, and as a topping on the cake, Melur Meadows offer property management services to its buyers. Which means, when you are unable to occupy your cottage, they offer to take care of the rentals, housekeeping and total property management.

Visit www.melurmeadows.com for full details about this awesome gated community. One of its kind in South India